SIMPLE THINGS ABOUT ME

I am a usual boy with a usual life. I laugh when it was a joke, smile when i feel happy and used to cry whenever I felt despair and lonely. So, this is would be my life, Now or never, like it or not, I have to live this life. Becuz I always know that I am not gonna live 4eva, Juz want to live when I'm alive..
About me..? Who I am..? It would not be such a big deal.
The truth is I really don't know about it and what I must learn from it. Everything seems so fast and confusing. If you asked me now, I would not know the answer either.
Perhaps life is just like this, it is up to me to find the meaning in our life. Till today, I still look for meaning in my life and the things that beyond the shadow of doubt that I really believed. Something that I can build my life on.
Maybe I am the colourfull on the outside, but on the inside I am nothing but fluff. A am just like walking, talking marshmallow peep. There is nothing about me that is not skin deep. i feel like I am bragging my latest conquest and all of the rest of my stupid shallow little life.. Yes I mean life is void of meaning..
If it is true that we have a soul, do we have a choice where we want to born in..? Do we have a choice to be a man, a woman, a gay man or a lesbian..? What if I was born in America..? Or in Afghanistan..? Would I be happier than now..?

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--SuiCide thouGht--

i’m trapped in a box with no intentions to survive
Praying…. asking God why am I still alive
I go to sleep each night knowing everything I say is a lie
Knowing that is enough for me to breakdown and cry
My father taught me to be tough and conquer your fears
My mother taught me how to love and its ok to shed a couple tears
I struggle each day to survive living my life with doubt
I’m trapped in a death hole with no hopes of getting out
my heart and soul is falling apart
I can’t help myself no matter how hard I try
I need to find a way the clock is winding down to the day I die

I was raised in the mousque my mom said when you’re in trouble look for a way in the light
But I’m to lost in the world and blinded by the night
At this point in my life I am mentally unstable
But I’m going to keep my eyes on God because I know he is able
I have worn a mask all my life nobody knows or understands me
They think I have it all good… look harder and you will really see
I love you mom and I’m really trying to find a way
But the only way you can help me is to continue to pray
There where times you never listened to what I had to say
That’s part of the reason I am who I am today
But I’m on the right track I’m determined to find my way
All because you said you loved me and it will be ok
I used to live each day with no hopes for tomorrow
Walking with my head down filled with shame and sorrow
There where times where I felt I was on the worlds hit list
So depressed my face looking like death ready to slit my wrists
As a man I feel for my self I have to provide
It’s enough pressure for a man to commit suicide
As I engraved death in my arm I started to bleed
Even though god is all I want and all that I need
Stress is building up in my heart and mind
Wondering when my time is up and if I’m ready to die
I put the gun to my head and closed my eyes
I said lord take me now I’m ready to die
As I pulled the trigger no bullet came out
Then I thought to myself aren’t I suppose to be dead now
I opened my eyes and saw the light
A voice said I love you with all my might
If it was my mom I don’t know why
Then they said I love you it’s not time for you to die
So as I look to the sky I thank God for saving me
If it weren’t for him I don’t know where I would be
I know its all over my faith has been restored
I have no thoughts of death…. evil can’t touch me anymore
Now you know who I used to be and how I became the new me
When I was trapped in a box…….. But now I’m free

Demi Cinta Safiuddin..

SEJAMBAK RASA UNTUK DIMADAH,
MENGUBAT HATI YANG GUNDAH,
RAJUK RESAH GELISAH,
WUJUD CINTA MENJADI KISAH,
PADA TAKDIR CINTA MENGALAH..

DEMI CINTA SAFIUDIN,
AKAN DIJUANG SEGALA MUNGKIN,
BIARPUN AKU MENJADI LILIN..

JIKA CINTA BERNOKTAH DISINI,
SIAPALAH AKU UNTUK MUNGKIRI,
ANDAI BEGINI SURATAN AZALI,
KU UTUS DOA MENGIRINGINYA PERGI,
MOGA KAU KINI DISAMPING ILAHI..

PASRAH AKU MENERIMA,
WALAU BERAT UNTUK DI CERNA,
TETAP AKU TABAHKAN JUA..
WALAU KINI KAU TIADA,
CINTAMU KURASAKAN BERSAMA,
DALAM MIMPI HADIRNYA DIA,
SETIAP SENTUHAN KURASA NYATA,
KAU ABADI SELAMANYA..

KISAH INI AKU CORETKAN,
BUAT SAFIUDIN DALAM KENANGAN,
UMPAMA KISAH DALAM LUKISAN,
AKAN KU KENANG SEPANJANG ZAMAN..
BERSEMADILAH KASIH KAU DI SANA,
BIARKAN SAJA KU RAWAT DUKA,
SEBAK DI DADA DAN AIR MATA,
KU KIRIM RINDU DI DALAM DOA...

DEMI CINTA SAFIUDIN,
JANJIKU TIADA CINTA LAIN,
SELAIN DARI CINTA SAFIUDIN...